Why I Stopped Saying "Dear Future Husband"
Every unmarried female has at some point said “Dear Future Husband”. Whether it was a FB post, a caption on an Instagram photo, or out loud during Girl Talk. I did too say this phrase. I used it to lay out my lengthy lists of the quality traits that my one day husband must possess.
For instance (these are real FB posts that I’ve deleted since):
Dear Future Husband, send me a bouquet of calla lilies during quarter close so I won’t jump out the window.
Dear Future Husband, we will raise our kids in Barcelona and they will know AT LEAST 3 DIFFERENT languages.
Or my all time Favorite. Dear Future Husband, my engagement ring must be princess cut.
And then one day I just stopped saying it and rolled my eyes and at the same time wanted to hug every female who ever said it thereafter. Because whether anyone will ever admit it, there’s something broken inside of whoever says it. In my opinion...
I started to examine why I used the phase at all. When did I become so obsessed with being married? When did it become more important to be married than it was to be WHOLE? At some point, I started to believe that this husband would come in on a white horse and save me. Save me from quarter close at work, save me from not wanting to live in America and travel more, save me from the fact that when my colleagues received flowers at work that I somehow felt incomplete and unworthy. Of flowers...Freaking flowers.
It started to feel so childlike. I felt like a 6 year old again writing a letter to Santa at Christmas. That if I was “good” and wrote a list of everything I wanted that God will magically give me this man and my life would just instantly be complete. Never-mind the fact that I was dealing with the lack of self confidence or worth. That wasn’t important as long as I had a husband. When I pondered on it, it just didn’t make sense. The spiritually strong and empowered part of me started to battle with the weak and scary me.
It became apparent that everything this future husband was “supposed “ to do was everything that I deserved but allowed the guys I dated to constantly fall short of. So much so that I started believing that I didn’t even deserve these things or acts of kindness. The very things I wished for my husband to do; my current boyfriend didn’t even come close too. And I allowed it. It was as if the empowered side of me was shouting, “Girl!!! You’re worth so much more. You deserve so much more.”
So I stopped writing and saying “Dear Future Husband” and I started to give myself the things that i obviously subconsciously wanted and desired. During quarter close at work, if I became to stressed out I would send myself flowers so when i finally got home I had a fresh bouquet to sit on my nightstand. I booked a trip to Barcelona for my 27th birthday and I packed my suitcase and went. I enrolled in Online Spanish courses to brush up on my skills and even started learning Italian.I brought myself a princess cut diamond ring and i wear it proudly today. Everything i was desiring my Future Husband to do, I did for myself and it felt great. I dealt and still are dealing with my insecurities but now I am whole and improving daily.
This doesn’t change the fact that I desire to one day be married and have kids, but the thing that did change is I’m no longer WAITING on it to happen. I’ve made my desires clear to God and I wholeheartedly believe that he will give me the desires of my heart when he sees fit; and if he doesn’t then it was never in the plans for my life and I’m okay with that. It allows me to take the pressure off myself.
So no more “Dear Future Husband”. Perhaps a “Dear Future Raven” We’ll see. Until then, I’m just enjoying my life, my blessings, and my Friends and Family. I’m Free.
Wealth. Health. Joy